And so it is...
I was outside last night in my backyard talking to the stars when I heard some rustling by the deck and low and behold a skunk was skirring back to her den. I had never seen a skunk before on the property but maybe she lived under the deck for some time? Maybe she came out to tell me something? Needless to say I took it as a sign. I’m knee deep in synchronicities these days so her appearance wasn’t lost on me…On the eve of a new moon and the winter solstice was she telling me to own my scent, my authenticity and vibe?! Those themes had been present in my meditations as of late and when subject matter starts to overlap and compound I’ve learned it’s best to listen.
My bed is a scared place of intimacy not just for the sexual realm but as a place of comfort where I’m able to drop my guard. Often as I lay before coasting into sleep, my ego tires and the veil thins and themes present themselves to me much like when I meditate. As I laid in bed last night my mind was quickly flooded with writing and journaling of all things…was that my inner voice wanting to come out, was that my authentic self wanting a voice? Was that the skunk scent? It sure smelled real..real like aligned, real like I wanted to, real like I wasn’t performing. During my sobriety and spiritual journey, journaling was at every turn…do you journal? People asked. Do you write down your goals? Do you keep track of your evolution, do you do you…I didn’t and up until now I wasn’t sure if it was for me. Every time I asked the aether if now was the time, I got a no and I stood by that answer. My mom had journals from most of her adult life and mine. They detailed dreams, events, arguments, and everything in between with such precision I thought there would never be a day where I joined the journal army. But yet I quietly envied having such records to peruse and look back on. I know people that have every ticket stub from every concert they’ve ever been to, excel sheets highlighting venue/date/band(s) that played. People often used journaling to manifest their wants and desires, but not I…I kept those musings in my head. I found solitude in not participating in any of it.
I sit on the front porch almost every morning to sungaze, breathe and mediate before getting out in the yard for some movement and I love it. I yearn for it, I cherish it…I cry, I laugh, I dream, I just be and it was had such a profound effect on my health it’s hard to put into words. When I gazed into the Winter Solstice sun this morning I was told to write! I was told to tell my story, I was told to do it boldly and unapologetically. Tears of joy ran down my face and I knew there was no turning back – my story needed to be heard. So this is my first attempt at doing just that. Bear with me as I get my legs under me, I promise to do my best. Look ma, I did it! Only took all day, but I setup a website and everything.
-Q
